It's been a bit of whirlwind lately but a good one. After I got the TEDx Talk edited and uploaded, life quieted down enough for me to return to writing the book. I'm up to almost 71K words (235 pages, double spaced). I'm through the toughest part, thank God, and I'm writing about when Scott and I got back together— the fun part!
But alas, I'm also to the part where my ex reached out via Facebook Messenger using fake personas to try to continue abusing and shaming me. As the cop I was working with said, "he needs the last word..he'll find a way to break the restraining order, likely in written form." She was right. He (or they) created two personas, it seems, with the help of a friend named Kim: Scott Tullman (from Bridgeport, Connecticut) and Karen Marie (from Clearwater, Florida) are the fake profiles.
As I was looking back at the blog post I wrote about it in order to include it in the book, I got curious. I wanted to see if Mr. Scott Tullman was still online or if he/they deleted it. Karen Marie is nowhere to be found unless she’s changed her name. :)
I was surprised to see Scott Tullman's profile still active...only now he has a new profile picture and a few public posts to make it look like he's a real person. Thank goodness he changed his pic because he was sporting a photo of a real, traceable person (as opposed to a stock photo) when he wrote to berate me. Apparently, he/they read what I'd written on my blog about how to suss out fake profiles and how I knew he/they boldly used a photo of famous photographer, Lee Cherry, as "Scott Tullman" which led to me reach out to Lee and tell him what was happening. He was grateful for the knowledge that his likeness was being used elsewhere. They smartly deleted Lee's photo and added a new one. I can see this because I'd previously blocked Mr. Scott Tullman but then unblocked him so the ridiculousness is all available for viewing.
I initially wrote about how to investigate profiles you may think are fake because apparently this is super common, according to Flagstaff PD and countless women who were in relationships with abusive men. (It happens with abusive women, too.) In my case, an abusive man and one of his "friends" did whatever they could to get around a restraining order, even though what they did technically violated the restraining order and he should have been hauled off to jail. It's super hard to get cooperation from Facebook in these cases to provide IP info but just knowing abusers stoop to these levels is the key. And providing evidence to keep on record with the PD is also key.
Kim, his friend who is also a client of his as shown on HOUZZ, has denied knowing Scott Tullman in writing, even though Scott gave a rave review for her photography services. Oh, and Scott Tullman likes the same companies Kim likes and promotes. Ah the tangled web that is woven online, not to mention that Kim and my ex are “friends” on social media and she was warned by a mutual friend to be wary of him and got defensive.
The irony of all of this is that people believe both parties to be above board, kind, caring, good human beings because that’s the picture they’ve masterfully painted of themselves for all of social media to see. Peas in a pod, I’d say.
Sadly, this is the stuff you need to know goes on when you get out of an abusive relationship. And you need to know how to investigate and document. Not only do you need to be vigilant about your own protection, but you need to know how to become a gumshoe, as Noah would say doing his best 1940s man impression.
Become a detective. If you need help doing so, please write to me. I’ll share everything I’ve learned about detective work from partnering with cops on actual cases as well as what I’ve pieced together on my own.
In the meantime, I’m gonna go back to writing about life after abuse and how freakin’ amazing it is to be in the here and now.
Read more about how to file a restraining order and what happens after you do.