"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
I posted this quote today in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. It made me think long and hard about what so many women and men are doing right now. What a gift to have the ability to share your truth so easily through social media. If you're the one speaking out, it can also be a curse when others want to silence you. As my law enforcement partners and friends have said: "Sadly, Kiers, you have to protect yourself." And they're right.
I knew the risk when I started speaking up but I also knew the power in openly sharing the truth despite waves of fear—sharing the whole truth including my mistakes, nosedives, naivety, and weaknesses. To share the part of me that fed on the intoxication of the "love" drug and did whatever she could to feed the addiction, even if it meant hurting those closest to me and allowing abuse. Believe me, it was much easier to be the mom in the garage who won a deal on Shark Tank. I was comfortable there. Since it's human to want acceptance and validation, that persona was a damn good one that was widely accepted by many. But was it the full truth? Nope. We are human beings which means we're complicated—consisting of both light and dark, even if we don't want to believe it or see it.
We live in a world that wants to keep a lid on the bad stuff. "Don't air dirty laundry," they say. It's why generation after generation, cycles of abuse replay like a skipping record on a turn-table.
Guess what happens when we get REALLY FREAKIN' REAL? Light illuminates the dark spaces.. Light helps others see they truly have choices, no matter if they feel they've made their bed or just hadn't been shown how to take the blinders off.
"I didn't know what I was enduring wasn't normal until I started to read your blog. I read everything you write. And now, I'm taking my life back."
"The more I read, the more I understand what I went through during my first marriage, and why I felt powerless to change it."
"Every time you tell your story, I feel like I get a little bit healthier and further away from his sadistic ways. So please continue to write your story and know that all of us caught in his web of deceit and lies are better off every time you do."
This is what healing and forward movement looks like to me—my healing and others. We're not all bad nor are we all good, but if we want to continue to grow and evolve as individuals and as a global society, we have speak out about the dark side of life and our part in it.
On this MLK Day, I am eternally grateful for Dr. King and other trailblazers—then and now—that push us to ditch the rose-colored glasses and speak about things that hurt all of us. It is only through speaking the truth and owning our actions, that we can bring more light and tolerance to the world.
Thank you, Dr. King, for continuing to shine like the sun, lighting our way to a better future.
I wrote a blog post yesterday about how to spot a wolf in sheep's clothing.
And I received this email (below) this morning. Thank you to the woman who wrote in. I'm so sorry you endured what you did and I sincerely hope knowing you're not alone helps. If my math is correct, you are the 8th woman to write to me with a similar story, with scanned documents and screenshots galore.
I smudged out the name on the email but she did provide that information on the web form.
This kind of predatory BS has to STOP and the only way it will stop is if women around the globe are open about what they endured, and the men face their truth. Thank you, again, to all the brave women who have written in. I know it's not easy. I know it's embarrasing—falling for the facade is a hard thing to admit.
We aren't stupid. We are caring, trusting individuals who trusted an untrustworthy man. Period. He used to talk about walking in truth all the time. Well, here's one more example of truth about one known predator that has negatively touched the lives of more women (and their families) than I can count. Truth walked.
I was chatting with a loved one yesterday who has struggled with abuse in her life, and I asked if she was able to get out to her therapeutic sessions to which she responded no, not lately. Then she said something that touched my heart. “Have to say, reading your messages on Facebook has helped me a lot.”
I haven’t written as much lately but I have been listening to others and making sense of so much I couldn’t make sense of before. I’m seeing the patterns. The women who are writing in—sharing their similar stories both with the same man I was with and with others— is truly healing.
A few things have come to mind recently. I have said in previous posts that I hadn’t really met anyone like my ex before, but when I really went deep, that’s not true. I just didn’t recognize him as the carbon copy of a man who was married to a dear friend. Years ago, I helped her get out of the abusive marriage she was stuck in by finding a way to employ her through my furniture company. It worked—she was able to get out. She’s an amazing person and has truly been a godsend to me over the past three years. If anyone could relate to what I was experiencing, it was my beautiful, soulful friend who had endured years and years of abuse.
She, and others writing in, confirmed a lot of the patterns I was finally recognizing as part of their handbook. I want to share a few of them as sort of a “how to spot a narcissistic douchebag even when they seem otherwise” list. I don’t think I can hashtag that title, can I?
Each woman described the same tactics, ploys, and motives. To illustrate that, I've included excerpts from messages I’ve received just about my ex. These all came to me online or via email with specific IP addresses attached from all over the world. Some women gave their names and others were too scared to reveal who they are. Look at the similarities in the language and stories.
“I too am a victim of his abuse like you were. He just stole from me with the same promises he said to others. I am ashamed that when I was so vulnerable he got me to sleep with him. (my own fault) and also convinced me to lend him money. I have been reading your blog and you are truly a hero to all of us that have been deceived by this monster…......He disgusts me and I feel so stupid for falling for his BS. Karma as you have described seems to be waiting way too long to take effect. I know I should forget and forgive but its just so hard. By your posts, you help ease my pain and the pain of so many others. As the tears are running down my face, thank you for all that you have done to stop this inhuman human. Your friend in spirit xxx.”
“He’s trashing you and your reputation just like he did to me. I’m weak, you're strong. His lies must be stopped.”
“I wish I would have reached out a long time ago about him and what he did to me but I was sure you wouldn't believe me. In a weird way you were that girl you were writing about. I didn't want to seem bitter or jealous by telling you what a total scum he is. I believe all the women you write about! but I also believe that half the ones against you are made up by him. He made my life hell when I finally couldn't take it anymore. I was threatened and abused on line. its been a nightmare. Sad to say I was relieved when he moved on but I knew it would be only a matter of time. I don't know why you are so much stronger then most of us but keep it up. Every time you tell your story I feel like I get a little bit healthier and freer of his sadistic ways. Both physical and mental. So please continue to write your story and know that all of us caught in his web of deceit and lies are better off every time you do.”
“He told me you guys had an open relationship.”
“He told her (age 20 while he was age 47) that he and his wife had an open relationship when he was trying to get her to sleep with him.”
“He did play you. I was duped by him and didn't know about you. You also need to know about the 15-year-old girl he was screwing.(raping) while dating us. Do you remember him telling you he got mugged in Philly? That was the father beating him to an inch of his life. When I found out about that I couldn't run fast enough, he then rubbed you in my face and said he didn't need me. He had his soul mate. Thank God for that. Peace and good luck."
“He swept me off my feet with constant texting and messaging of love notes, songs, he called me “baby,” he offered tantric massage. Then after he got what he wanted, he ditched me and blocked me on social media."
“I lent him more than I care to admit. I also know he ripped off a couple for tens of thousands. I don't know how many more but I'm surprised he's not dead. And the lies and BS. I don't believe a word he says. I wish I had the courage to warn you. I saw how much you trusted him. You were both so open about your relationship. I could tell you were sincere and I knew it was a matter of time. I can’t believe you survived all those years.”
Do you see the patterns? Here’s what I put together as a list of what to look for if you suspect someone might be a narcissistic abuser….
I wrote a bit about the emotional rollercoaster I experienced while filing for and being granted a restraining order but I wanted to share a little more in hopes it will help the countless women I know in this position. I had no idea what to expect because I didn’t have any experience with the court system. I hope what I share below is helpful!
Here are SIX THINGS I wish I’d known or I feel are important to know from the get-go….
Do you need a lawyer to file for an order of protection? What does it cost to file?
No lawyer is needed, however; I did consult with law enforcement and one lawyer. It doesn’t cost anything monetarily to file. The forms were easily found online by looking up the Justice Court in our/your area.
What kind of proof do you need to show? (This is my experience in Arizona https://www.allenlawaz.com/order-of-protection-arizona/.)
In order to obtain an order of protection, the plaintiff must present the following to the court:
You will meet with the judge and a court reporter in a closed courtroom. You will be sworn in, etc, and it will take at least thirty minutes, from my experience. I wrote more about my experience in this blog; however, I will say I came to court armed with physical proof in the form of print outs of harassing emails to myself and co-workers, screenshots of online harassment at my place of work, and a police report from a domestic violence call.
What were some key points made by the judge?
The judge, in my case reiterated, that while this order is in place and protects me legally, that it truly does not protect me from domestic violence, if he chooses to come after me. He urged me to be aware at all times. What it DOES do is it makes it illegal for him to contact me in any way, shape, or form.
If the defendant lives out of state (which mine does), you have to pay a process server to serve him the order of protection before it was considered active. It’s not cheap. I paid roughly $500 and that was a steal. If the defendant dodges the serving (does not answer the door, etc), then you might have to pay extra for the server to do surveillance to serve him when he is out and about. This is exactly what happened to me.
What if the defendant doesn’t read the order?
It is still active no matter if he reads it or not as long as he is served. According to the process server (who writes up an affidavit with photos of the defendant when he serves him), he must touch the envelope. In my case—and in the case of many others who are dealing with not-so-ethical folks—they will deny their identity. In my case, he threw the unopened envelope on the ground and denied his identity before driving off. He also denied his identity when Flagstaff PD called to make sure he knew the order was in effect.
*Side note: The cop I was working with here in Flagstaff told me immediately that with these types of DV (Domestic Violence) cases, most of the time, the defendant will try to get around the system by sending some kind of message to the plaintiff. And sure enough, he did. He sent messages via fake Facebook profiles. I was able to trace the profiles back to him and provided the cops with the information.
If the defendant violates the no-contact order of protection, then a warrant for his arrest is issued.
I’m overwhelmed by the women and men reaching out who have endured abuse in very similar ways. Thank you for taking time to read, question, comment, and extend a supportive hand to me.
I thought I’d take a moment to answer questions I’m asked more than once. If several of you are asking, it means many have the same questions.
First, the hard ones.
Why keep writing? It’s over?
A few people in my life, including family, have asked if I’m concentrating too much on it. And one commenter on Instagram suggested I “move on.” So the question is why talk about it now that I’m back with my husband and am moving on with my life?
I have a three-part answer to this one!
He loves me. He knows what I went through and he wishes he could make it go away in one fell swoop, but he understands it’s not that easy. He saw me change and he knows what I endured. He knows my bigger purpose in all of this and supports it.
The short answer to that question is his text to me last week:
Can you recommend any good reading material around abusive relationships, particularly when it involves someone who shows narcissistic behavior/abusive tendencies?
I can! These articles have helped me immensely. And I frequently share them with new and old friends who write in and ask how I got through the stages.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/understanding-narcissism/201708/why-do-narcissists-abuse-those-they-love (This one came today from a male friend who went through similar.)
You’re a medium. How did you not know?
I’ve come to know over the last 8 years, I’m pretty good at helping law enforcement put the pieces together on cases. And I can pass messages from kids in spirit to their parents. And occasionally, I can help find a lost cat. (Never a lost wallet, for some reason!?!) What I know in my soul, and what I have heard from spirit, is that I couldn’t have avoided it. I wasn’t supposed to know it all when I met him. Being human and all, I was just falling into it mostly with my inner child mind but didn’t realize what was happening (wounded attachment). I likely could have shortened the experience with free will choice—like how I knew something wasn’t right but still didn’t end it. I could also have gone on to completely lose all that I am by continuing to let him back in and believe the lies. I will say spirit had a very big role in helping me see the truth along the way. The truth I knew in my soul but didn’t want to really see. I believe it was a meant-to-be opportunity for healing and growth. I’ve written about it in several places here on the blog: http://www.kierstenparsons.com/blog/category/there-are-no-coincidences and http://www.kierstenparsons.com/blog/category/life-lessons.
What was the process like for getting a restraining order? What kind of proof did you need to have?
My next post will be about this very subject. I had never been through this before and it was exhausting, time-consuming, and scary. I wrote a little bit about the day I had to plead my case in court but I will write more about the types of proof you need and statute of limitations, etc.
You should write a book....are you?
I am! And it's really hard to write, right now. I have a love/hate relationship with it because some of the prep requires me reading back through emails where I was called a thick fucking brick and told "fuck you" multiple times and it takes me back to that feeling of being put down. It's not easy but I'm doing it and I'll share excerpts as I go along. As my friends and family say, with the sudden onset mediumship, working with cops on cold cases, Shark Tank, leaving a marraige, abuse and conditioning, restraining orders and eventually coming back to center, it's like a "good" bad Lifetime movie! And it's all real!
I don’t dream a lot but when I do, it’s as if the universe is hitting me over the head. I am not feeling well at all—damn stomach flu—so I didn’t sleep well last night, and was apparently dreaming up a storm. The man who abused me as a child showed up in several of them which made me think more about both predators in my life.
I haven’t talked much about the man who abused me as a child, other than sharing the letter I wrote to him. I know quite a bit about him but because he’s a distant relative, I’ve been cautious to write about him.
In my dream, it was pretty clear that the doppelganger version of my childhood abuser walked into my life in 2014 and I had no clue. As you may have read in my initial post, I fell hook, line and sinker without realizing I was falling into a similarly abusive situation with a predator who resembled my relative.
To say they have a few things in common is an understatement. For instance, when my childhood abuser was married, he admitted to having been with 100+ women, all age ranges, during his ten-year marriage. Also, I know I’m not the only child he abused. He is charming, good looking, funny, and charismatic. He’s everything people don’t want to believe makes up a predator.
If the letters and comments I’m receiving are any indication, my ex is right up there with the number of women he wooed, during and outside of his marriage. Women of all ages; two younger than I can even comprehend. Courting multiple women at one time while ensuring none of them knew about the other seemed to be his favorite game.
How did I not see it? I do believe we can attract the same type of energy from abuse in order to heal the original wound, but I thought I would have been smarter than this. It’s a strange place to be because while I feel that way, I can also see the big picture. The last three years helped me heal from the original abuse. I’m so grateful for that!
While I’m hopeful my dreams are lighter and brighter tonight, I’m thankful for the opportunity to connect the dots today and hopeful it will help others reading this.
Much love to you all! <3
This morning, I wiped the sleep from my eyes, rolled over and picked up my phone. My usual routine. A text message was waiting for me from my beautiful, smart, amazing friend who was telling me about some major stuff happening in her divorce. She split from a man who has been horribly abusive and controlling for years. I’m beyond grateful that she’s found a way to escape and create a life of happiness and freedom. My heart swelled reading her messages.
What I’m about to share next is NOT self-congratulations or self-promotion—I’m sure some could read it that way. It’s about women helping women. Survivors helping survivors. I told her how proud and happy I am but I’m also worried because I know how dangerous it can be to get out of an abusive relationship. She said, “It’s because of you I have the strength to do this. You have inspired me that I am better than this and worthy of love. I read every word you write.”
I teared up when I read that. You guys, it’s working! By so many of us talking about the elephant in the room, it’s helping others find the strength to get out and/or simply understand that what they’re living daily IS NOT love, it’s abuse. And by writing about it, it’s helping me heal, too.
I know many think, “how can they NOT recognize they are being abused?” It’s a hard concept to understand for those who haven’t lived through it, especially when the abuse isn’t something that shows up as a bruise. When subtle manipulation and gas lighting techniques are used AFTER the euphoria of the love bombing stage is over, it’s hard to see clearly. You trusted who you THOUGHT they were and maybe they can get back to being that person. I know this first-hand. Looking back, it feels a lot like mind control/conditioning and that’s hard for me to even wrap my head around because I’ve always been an independent thinker and doer.
Just this morning, I had one of those moments where I realized I actually got used to being put down and shamed for wanting to help others who have gone through similar stuff. Because of this, I started operating in survivalist/conditioned way of thinking. For example, I thought to myself if I don’t bring up that I’m helping a friend, then I won’t get put down for it. I’ll just do it but I won’t talk about it.
This morning, the difference in my life then and now became really apparent when I was blown away by a text that Scott sent out of the blue in support of what I’m doing. He’s been so encouraging through it all but it really made me recognize that receiving his text was completely opposite of what I used to experience and allow.
I attached a screenshot of his message to me below.
My point in all of this is to say that by talking and writing about it, we are helping to create lighted pathways for others to find their way out. Now, I’m not saying everyone needs to talk about it—it’s something you will know in your heart if it’s right for you. All I’m saying is that the cloak of shame and fear that has kept all of this hidden for generations is starting to fray and unravel, thread by thread. I know personally, I still feel shame and fear but it’s not stopping me from talking about it all.
I say we unravel the whole damn cloak, shall we?!
UPDATE 11/6 @4:57pm: After posting this blog post today, I received two private email messages from two different women in two different places in the country. I'm truly at a loss for words as to how many women there are who have fallen prey to this predator and endured additional abuse on so many levels.
My friend Sara and I were talking about the nature of the witch hunt by other women. She brought it up on Facebook this morning and I felt fire burning inside me about this topic, and the offshoot topic of how women are treated by some women when they speak out about abuse.
In a nutshell, this has been my experience:
I FINALLY speak out about the emotionally and verbally abusive relationship I was in after being passive aggressively and sometimes just aggressively skewered on social media by him.
I speak from my heart. I get really honest about it all. My mistakes and vulnerabilities. Embarrassing details. I talk about what he did that made a judge grant me a restraining order and those are really hard to get! And how he denied his identity twice with law enforcement, and how the affidavit shows photos of him standing at the gas station pumping gas where he was served the order when he denied his identity. Oh, and don’t forget the police report that documents domestic violence—this happened because he was yelling so loudly and I was crying and someone heard it and they were worried about me.
Other women start to come forward sharing similar stories because I started speaking about it publicly…
Multiple ex-clients start coming forward and some start speaking out publicly about how he swindled them.
A designer for Mod Life came forward exposing how he’s literally taken her name off a sofa design that she created and slapped his name on it.
It became known recently that he ripped off another designer in Italy and put his name on the slightly-tweaked sofa, as well.
He recently found a workaround (with regards to the restraining order) to try to communicate with me in shaming, manipulative ways via fake FB profiles, to the point the cops got involved again.
This is all out there on the blog. I write about the journey that, unbeknownst to me, so many women have been traveling. Women from all over the world who have been through something similar with him or someone else come forward with words of support.
And then there are the women who say this: “She’s lying. I’ve never liked her. She needs to stop talking about it and move on. I never trusted HER. I’ve never met him, but he seems like he’s such a good guy….on the internet. Blah blah blah.”
REALLY, ladies!?!??! MY GOD, how in the world can sisters turn their back on other sisters? Even when presented with actual screenshots of evidence? Is he THAT convincing? What’s wrong with our society where the “victim” always gets blamed and many times, by other women?
I shouldn’t be surprised. So many women were questioning whether or not Cosby really sexually assaulted those 30 women. 30 of them. How much freakin’ proof do we need? Let me tell you first hand, it’s not fun nor easy to come out and speak the truth about any kind of abuse and mainly because of this very reason. I’ve endured this twice now and it makes me sick.
I’m sure there are women out there questioning the validity of the testimonies against Harvey Weinstein. Hell, we have a President who spoke about “grabbing her by the pussy” and women around the country said, yeah, that’s just locker room talk.
You would think that women would ban together. I mean, come on, we’ve all lived in the same rape culture for generations. We can do better. We have to do better for our own children and generations to come.
I get that everyone wants to “look at the evidence” and make a decision based on that but what I’ve experienced is that even with “evidence,” women still want to crucify other women. Maybe they want to believe in the “good guy” persona? Maybe they just want a reason to not like another woman? Maybe they can't face their own shame? Who knows.
I can tell you this for certain, though. If you come to me and tell me you endured abuse and/or sexual assault, I will believe you. Period.
Dear women who are writing to me about having been with my ex,
Thank you. From the bottom of my soul, thank you.
I just received another email message this morning from a brave woman. I think that brings the count to 10, now. I know what you’ve been through from your gut wrenching accounts and from my own personal experience with him. Each time I read a new message from a woman who was pursued and abused by my him, my heart just breaks for all of us.
If you’ve written to me and would like to share more, please do. You can do so anonymously on my contact page or in comments, as many of you have.
I wish I could take your pain away.
I wish I could take the feeling of shame and stupidity away.
I wish I could get your money back, for those of you who loaned him money or paid the bills.
What I CAN DO is let you know you’re not alone. You’re not stupid. You’re a beautiful human being who opened her heart. That’s all.
I also want to stress one more thing.
Please get STD testing done, if you haven’t.
I was diagnosed with HPV after never having had it before nor ever having an irregular pap smear. It’s the eve of my appointment to determine which procedure they will perform to clear me of any early stage cervical cancer. This was caused by HPV. My doctor believes I contracted HPV sometime in the last three years. I wrote more about it here. The good news is that all other tests came back negative which is truly shocking, given the number of partners I believe he has had based on all of the messages I’m receiving.
I am here for you. I will listen. You are not alone.
Excerpt from one of the messages I received:
I too am a victim of his abuse like you were.......................I have been reading your blog and you are truly a hero to all of us that have been deceived by this monster. He disgusts me and I feel so stupid for falling for his BS. Karma as you have described seems to be waiting way too long to take effect. I know I should forget and forgive but its just so hard. By your posts you help ease my pain and the pain of so many others. As the tears are running down my face, thank you for all that you have done to stop this inhuman human. Your friend in spirit xxx."
I promised to be real and authentic through this journey with all of you and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m livid right now and at the same time, a bit confused. I mentioned in my last post that more and more information/proof is coming out about my ex’s predatory ways with other women. Here’s the confusing part: how do I handle this? There’s the camp of people who say, “don’t give it energy…don’t give him energy.” Then there’s the raw, human emotion I feel which says “OMG how can he continue to do this to so many women, year after year, and NO ONE SPEAKS UP!! As hard as it is, I have to be that woman that speaks up. It has to stop.” I vacillate between the two so you caught me in a “OH HELL NO!!!” moment. And to be honest, I think that’s the right call. I can’t just sit by and watch it all happen again without putting out some sort of warning to women.
Some people are probably thinking, “Kiersten, move on and focus on what you have now. Just let it go.” I get that, too, and for most of the time, that’s what I’m doing. I’m beyond grateful for my amazing husband and family and to see the big picture of my ex’s purpose in my life. I’m learning lesson after lesson, but one of those lessons is to stand up for myself and others, no matter how vulnerable and scary it might feel.
I was raised to stand up for myself and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Over the years, there have been many women who have endured the same or similar treatment and they can’t speak up for themselves for one reason or another, so I will be that voice. I hope I make them proud and they feel some comfort in knowing what they endured is real, no matter what he or anyone else says.
As one former ex said, “Stay strong. I hope you fully realize that you’re not just doing this for you alone but for all who have been damaged by him.”
I only write what I know to be true based on evidence I receive and what I have actually
lived that can be backed up. I have written proof in the form of screenshots of conversations between my ex and others and first-hand accounts of what I, and others, have endured.
With that said, I truly didn’t expect to read what I did two nights ago.
There are real-life snapshots of conversations that include predatory come-ons, promises of tantric massage, and most recently, evidence of cheating during our relationship.
That cheating part—it’s the last piece, really. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse than what I know already, it did. This latest news makes me see red because it goes against what I believed to be true for three years. Did I come to believe he was womanizer after all the women started coming forward? Absolutely. Did I still think it was mainly before and after we were together? Yes. Sadly, I was wrong. I would hear over and over again (from him) that he was completely, utterly faithful to me. He would make it known to me and everyone else on social media that he gave 100% of himself and all of his truth. Hell, he even wrote that in his Facebook post when we broke up:
"I'm picking myself up off the ground. It's time to finally heal this completely broken and devastated heart. Time for healing, learning, clarity, and never giving up hope for authentic truth and love, I'm proud I was able to give all of myself, all of my love, and all of my truth. And I'm grateful for the beautiful lived, the peace I'll now find, and gifts I know will be on the other side of pain. #MyTruth #TNF #Love #Pain #Healing #Life" - R
Funny thing about declarations from men who repeatedly do this to multiple women—it’s all fake. And he forgot to mention to me the truth about leaving our apartment in Flagstaff to hopefully get into someone else’s bed and then return home to me.
He and I met April 4, 2014 but he was chatting with me most of March of that year. He professed his love for me in a letter he sent to me on the very day I met him in person, just four days after he was telling her (seen below) that he wished they were having sex. Oh, and he told me that first week of April 2014 that he was in a bad marriage and was breaking up with a long-time love overseas. Just a few days ago, I found out from ANOTHER woman in the Philly area that he was seeing her when he met me—he ditched her when I came along. So, I think that’s five women he had some type of romantic involvement with at the time he was pursuing me.
We were together for three years with a few very short break-ups in between. In November of 2016, after we had gotten back together in October after a short-lived split (he was living with me again) and I helped him get a job with a company in Lacey, Washington, he was apparently trying to “hook up” with a woman he knew on his way to and from his new job headquartered in Lacey!! I had NO IDEA. All I knew is we were back together and excited about the future and what his new job meant to our life plans of growing Mod Life together and building a home in Flagstaff for all of our kids.
Also, unbeknownst to me, in 2015, he was asking her if it was ok that he was fantasizing about her and hoping that no matter if they were both in relationships, if they were in close proximity to each other, they would meet up for sex. That is DEFINITELY not loyalty to me. It may work for some, but it’s not what I thought I had nor what I was being told by him.
We’d been together as a couple for about a year and a half, in November of 2015. She said she received risqué photos via text and intermittent reach-outs from him. And there’s that damn tantric massage line I’ve read in multiple conversations between he and other women. It’s part of the script, I guess.
Thank God for screenshots and scanned documents. There’s nothing like reading a screenshot to make it all very real, very quickly. This particular conversation was so jarring to me because, of course, even after everything I’ve learned, I still didn’t want to believe that he was doing this to me. He SAID I was his soulmate, his twin flame. When would he have had time to pursue others? Oh, right. On his way to his new job or on his way back to the “love of his life.” (She did not meet up with him and she ignored his phone calls when he drove through her town.)
He was so adamant he NEVER cheated on me, unlike he’d done with other women in his life, and continued this line of defense until we stopped talking in July. He’s innocent, of course and “never even felt the need or want to look at another woman after he met me.”
If you ask him, he’ll tell you I’m crazy. He’ll say I’m narcissistic and I have a personality disorder. It’s a smart and common defense to flip it all around—I applaud his efforts. And I implore you to read the screenshots below.
We—the woman in the messages below, and I—do not want another woman on the planet to believe that he is who he portrays himself to be on social media—a fine, upstanding man who values women and who “walks his truth.” In light of this, she gave me permission to post the screenshots of their conversations.
It kills me to think that he’s continuing his predatory ways with other unsuspecting women. It has to stop. It just has to stop.