You know how when you’re in the thick of an experience, it’s hard to grasp the big picture lesson?
Yeah. Me, too. Except with the lesson that walked into my life in 2014, I was shown very small glimpses along the way, but I didn’t want to see them as truth. Then, after the lesson of an abusive relationship walked out of my life, it still took some time to see all the pieces and truths coming together. I feel like in light of recent revelations, I’m finally there. It’s like everything came together in a movie trailer form. I’m talking wide-screen, technicolor, 3D format. Don’t you wish that sometimes these life experiences came with movie trailers BEFORE the lesson? Here’s my movie preview:
Lights go off. Projector flips on. The screen lights up.
A door to a bedroom closes. The five-old-girl inside is sexually abused by a charming, distant relative and blocks it from her mind. Fast forward about thirty years. At the age of 36, the once “normal” mom, wife, and business owner suddenly starts channeling messages from children in spirit who were sexual abuse survivors during their lifetime and/or who were killed by predators. Her work leads to partnerships with decorated police detectives around the country fighting for justice. Three years go by until the reluctant medium/mom/furniture designer starts to channel messages and memories of her own abuse by that male relative—a true ah ha moment in her life. Four months after this epiphany, she falls in love with a smooth-talking, sensitive macho man. She leaves her husband for her new life. She joins forces with her new love on both personal and business fronts, and then slowly starts to realize she’s in a controlling, abusive relationship with a man that does not like her working on cold cases that involve sexual predators. She thought, as he proclaimed to her, she was his soulmate—turns out, she was one of five women in his life when he started pursuing her. They split up and she starts sharing her journey publicly. Unsolicited emails and stories from other women he’d been with—some more than twenty years younger than him—flood her inbox making the next ah ha moment come into razor sharp focus. OMG. She fell for a predator. For the second time in her life, she trusted a predator. Now, what is she going to do about it?
(This is where I’d like to be shown as some bad-ass woman with bow and arrow like Jennifer Lawrence from the Hunger Games).
Ok, so back to what is she going to do about it. She’s going to share her story. Be a voice for others who can’t speak up. She’s going to refuse to be bullied into submission with fear tactics. She’s going to stand up for what is right—always. She’s going to tell her story honestly and authentically; owning and baring her mistakes, her triumphs, her regrets and her breakdowns. The ultimate aha moment comes in learning how and why she fell and then stayed in the relationship, unknowingly healing past wounds to ensure it never replay again in her life. She’s going to cherish the true love story that emerged from all of this—her lifelong relationship with her husband.
Lights go up again.
It’s really mind blowing to watch it all unfold from this vantage point. Every time I post a new blog, another new woman steps forward baring her soul and truth about her time with him, either in comment or private message. Never once have I received a message that says, “It was all wonderful. He’s a gem.” I truly had no idea so much was going on behind the scenes with so many for so long and right under my nose! (Let me just say, I always believe the women who bravely step forward. But the real OMG moments come when they share screenshots of conversations he had with them, where I can see his photo next to the predatory, manipulative things he said to them.) Thanks to social media, this type of predatory maneuvering is more rampant than ever. It’s so easy for these guys (and gals) to portray themselves as who they know you want them to be and line up back up "supply" on the side, and the soul mate never knows.
Just to be clear, I’m not a victim in this. This was one of my life lessons. A big one, no doubt. I trusted him blindly and I have learned so much. I believed he was who he said he was and he would never do anything to hurt me. Just like I believed in my relative who eventually raped me when I was five.
My hope is that if you have gone through something similar (maybe minus the talking to ghosts part) and want to share, please do. If you have information you want me to know, please contact me. You can do so anonymously by reaching out to me here on the contact form. To the women he’s currently engaged with, I’m here when you’re ready. No judgment, only compassion. I understand the pull, the connection, and the lessons.
Without the brave women who have stepped forward—some with names and some anonymously—I wouldn’t have been able to watch the trailer play on the big screen. I’m eternally grateful to them.
And I can’t wait to see how this movie plays out for the rest of my life.