I used to believe that life was entirely what you made it. I still believe that’s true on a choice level, but I now I fully believe that some things in life are truly fated. That each person comes into your world for a reason.
It’s no secret that, for me, trusting my intuition and my ability to communicate with spirit has been paramount in my recovery from my childhood abuse wounds. I write about it in my story.
But let’s go back in time a bit, shall we?
In 2009, I was feeling a hole in my life. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but I felt kind of empty. I never really believed in psychics at the time, mostly because I was so scientifically wired that I just felt like I wasn’t sure if all that was real. Nonetheless, I decided to reach out to one in our hometown. Maybe she knew something that would help me figure out what was happening with me?!? I was in my mid-thirties and just feeling like I was in a funk but didn’t know why. This was before I found out I was sexually abused by a relative when I was very little.
I nervously sat in a leather chair in her office and kept looking for the catch. Was there a guy behind a curtain with a laptop playing detective with my name on Google? I thankfully found none of that. I gave her my first name and she immediately started channeling messages for me.
“You are really good at making things happen outside of you,” she said. “But you have a lot of healing to do on the inside.” Okkkaaaaayyyy. Um, what does THAT mean, I thought? I continued to listen.
“You will go on to help millions of people. You have many gifts but your own personal healing is paramount, first. Everything you have ever done in your life will come together, nicely. Keep writing. Keep doing public speaking. You will write at least one book, maybe more. I want you to do what you’re meant to do—I want it for you, for your kids, for my kids, for everyone.”
I sat there stunned and thought what the hell is she talking about? I make high-priced kids furniture in my garage. How does that help anyone, truly? Mind you, this was shortly before I started channeling children in spirit. It was before I understood the connections.
I think back on that time because I was in such a different headspace. I didn’t know about synchronicity in life. I didn’t realize that people come into your life for a reason.
Shortly thereafter, I started receiving messages from kids in spirit who had endured sexual abuse in their lifetime. Some passed from drug overdose to numb the pain from the abuse. The theme of sexual abuse was starting to emerge. I ended up working on a few cold cases, mainly with one particular detective in NYC, who I’m still working with today. Mark helped validate that I wasn’t going crazy and that what I was providing through intuitive work was actually helping put the pieces together and validate the "boots-on-the-ground" detective work he was doing. I'm good at finding key locations/evidence. I have no idea how or why it's this way, but I'm grateful I can help.
At the end of 2013, I started to put all of my personal pieces together. I was having flashbacks of the abuse I endured and had enough faith in myself as an intuitive to know it was real, alongside other “real life” evidence. I was starting to see nothing as a coincidence.
In early 2014, I started having an affair but I didn’t realize it was ultimately something that I was going through for other reasons. I looked at it like I had found my forever love. The attraction and connection felt undeniable and fated. (I fell hard for someone at an industry tradeshow who even became a business partner and told my husband after 2 weeks of meeting my new love,"R," that I wanted out of our 18 year-marriage. I’ll write more about the affair turned 3-year-relationship soon.) Everything felt perfect at first, but then it started to turn. And as luck would have it, one of the families I met through the non-profit I ran—where I volunteered my time helping grieving parents—would play an instrumental role in helping alert me to the cold, hard truth that I was nowhere ready to see, yet. I consider Yvette, who is living, and her son Jason, who passed years ago, to be true angels for me.
Early on in the relationship with R that I thought was leading to a new life, Jason came through in spirit saying, “This is not what it seems, Kiersten. This relationship is not what it seems.” I was stunned to get that message because it went against everything I was feeling. I didn’t want to believe there could be anything but sunshine and roses ahead and that our plans for our future were indeed solid and true.
Over the past three years, as I struggled with my life path and started to see the true picture he was talking about, Jason was still there, chiming in along the way. He never gave too much, because it was ultimately for me to figure out, but he reinforced that I indeed knew the truth deep down. Recently, after the relationship ended, he came to me and said, “Kiersten, everything you are going through was laid out long before you were born. You will be a conduit for others, but not until you are healed or on your way to healing. This is still tough for you.”
He’s right. It’s all tough for me—the guilt, the recovery, the loss of what I thought was real—but I am beginning to trust myself again and trust all of the human connections I have in life and in spirit. It’s undeniable to me now that sometimes you need to heal old wounds by going through life experiences that pour salt in those wounds, especially when you’re dealing with repression of trauma.
I’m thankful for my family and friends who have truly been by my side through it all, even when they didn’t agree with my choices.
About a year into the affair, my husband told me he went to see a shaman in Sedona two months after I told him I wanted a divorce. She said to him, “It will take Kiersten two to three years to come out of this. It’s part of her healing journey.”
He held onto that through all the pain and during my cocky, stubborn times where I was sure I knew what I was doing. It’s truly the greatest gift—one that came, again, from spirit.
If I’ve learned anything over the past nine years, it’s that there are truly no coincidences.
I believe in you, Fate, even when I can’t see the forest for the trees. And even when it hurts.