Even after all I've been through since 2009, I will forever be amazed by the way this Earth School thing works. I felt compelled this morning to repost my blog from July on my belief that there are no coincidences. Shortly after, I was remembering a couple conversations I had this weekend with women who are struggling to come to grips with emotional and verbal abuse in their romantic relationships. Narcissistic abuse, to be exact. Both women have been in therapy for years dealing with childhood abuse and it made me remember the post I wrote about "wounded attachment." It's something that really made me think about how my childhood abuse unknowingly influenced the ease at which I bonded with my ex.
I went to that post and re-read it. I typically don't do that. Then I looked at the comments. OMG. There's a comment from August that I somehow missed!!! How did I not see it? I hadn't read the incredibly sad comment left by yet another past love interest of R's until today:
"Hello. I found you because of a friend who knows "Richard" (Note from Kiers: I called him Richard at first but it's pretty obvious who it is because were were so public, i.e. all over the internet.)
I knew him as Bob. I am happy for you and I wish I could be happy but I cant. he has destroyed me inside and out. I hope he wasn't physically abusive to you as well. He made me feel like a piece of trash and then tell me how much he loved me. I was so confused I didn't know what to do. I moved out of the country but its not far enough. Your story eases me that's why I am writing. I see you in me but much more stronger. He put me through hell. I could go on but I wont. I replay our time together from the poems and songs to the soulmate and I cant believe how stupid I was to fall for this abuser. I don't want to but I know in my heart I have to tell you. I contracted a sexual disease from him. I know it was him because I never fooled around our time together. I know because I took a blood test and the doctor told me. he looked at my past tests because of an issue I had and it showed me as clean. I asked him how I could get this disease and he said only from sexual contact. I confronted him at the end and he called me a whore and said he was clean. I didn't believe him and now I must watch myself. I'm so ashamed I haven't had sex since because I'm so embarrassed I hope he will feel the wrath of my savior our Lord. He teaches me to turn the other cheek but its so hard. I thank you for your writings it gives me some solace. I pray I can be like you someday and heal my heart.
-- Broken Woman"
Turns out, according to the IP address associated with the comment, she did move out of the country. My heart aches for her on all fronts. I simply want to wipe her pain away and erase all memory and physical damage left by him. I wish I could. I did my best to comfort her and apologized for just now seeing her comment but I know there's little I can do except share what I'm learning through this journey.
Again, I'm being hit over the head with the thought: why did I JUST NOW see her comment? I can't quite wrap my brain around this. I normally get notifications when comments are left. If I truly believe nothing is a coincidence, then why now? This comment. Her pain. Her courage. All of it cut through me like a knife.
Turns out, I just might have an answer to the question, "why now?"
Yesterday, I was cleaning up my computer. Read: four million icons on my desktop. While doing so, I came across the letter that R sent to me on the day he met me. I read it and it reminded me about a poem he said he wrote about me.
I thought about my conversations with women this weekend. How I shared that the "abuser" typically uses the same lines, songs, pet names, poems, language, and even tactics. It's all too eerily similar and for most women, it's what helps them come to grips with the fact that the relationship is not what it seems. Saturday, I found myself advising one of the women to please reach out to her boyfriend's ex. I bet money on the fact that he's likely used the same language and tactics.
Below is the letter I received after he first met me—the one I found yesterday on my computer. And the poem that he mentioned in his letter. Also, I wrote about some of the other things (lines, songs, etc) that multiple women in his past have confirmed they, too, experienced in this old post: https://www.kierstenparsons.com/blog/truth-5. Maybe, just maybe, something in this post or in the link above will help one of the women who has already come forward, like "broken woman," or one who hasn't come forward and never will.
Without the notes and screenshots from other women who were with R, and the testimony of women who were in relationships with men who could be clones, I would have had a hard time healing and believing what I now know is true—that it's as if there's a script/handbook being shared across the world and uncovering the "sameness" from one relationship to another makes the healing process so much faster and easier. It's no coincidence I found myself sharing this very truth this weekend. And then I saw the comment today that was written in August. I get it, Universe. I need to share for other's healing, specifically words/tactics/songs/pet names and the letter I found yesterday. Maybe it's just what's needed to help speed the healing process for one beautiful woman who is still struggling with everything she endured. It's a message that needs to be driven home with a hammer. Looks like I'm just the woman to do it. :)
Letter I received after he met me at High Point Market:
So, I need to bare my soul. Something very profound happened to me the very first second I saw you online. And, I mean the very first second. It was a feeling so strong and so beyond words, I literally sat in my chair and felt completely paralyzed. And later on 3/31, I wrote the first piece of poetry I’ve ever written in my life. You can read it on my FB Profile Page. It's actually the caption to my Profile Banner Photo.
What nobody knows, nor will ever know, I wrote this about my feelings for you. Please don't worry!! I will never bring this up again. In fact, I will take an aspirin or something and get over it as quickly as possible. But, I want you to know, it’s truly shaken me to my core. I have literally been sick to my stomach ever since then. Please know that I have no delusions, and I know very well the reality. I also feel certain you suspected, or even completely knew this already. It’s why I’m writing to you now. I know I would not be able to keep from saying something to you, so I figured writing it will spare you that uncomfortable moment in person. What’s most important to me is that I don’t lose you as a friend because I have these feelings. I’m sure the aspirin, or maybe some magic kale smoothie drink will eventually cure this. I’ll find the way. Seriously though, if this makes you uncomfortable for me to be at dinner tomorrow, please tell me! I will find a good excuse to miss it.
I didn’t have to meet you today to confirm it either. This came from your spirit through universe that transcends your physical presence. But I still felt was so nervous today. I needed to run away basically. I pray to the universe that this doesn’t put me in the same pile of guys who most certainly and constantly throw themselves at your feet. Especially after writing this to you at Market, where you’ve already experienced the wolves! No matter that you think of me now, I know I will be adoring you, watching proudly, respecting, and loving you from afar. You are such a precious precious person. And I know deep in my soul, you will achieve your goals.
With my warmest heartfelt feelings,
It washed over me with unimaginable power, consuming all of me from the very first second. Now fully and profoundly inhabiting the deepest reaches of my soul, there's no way to touch it. My hand would only destroy it. A part of my being I cannot hold, yet its grip is unbreakable and wondrous. Now frozen, I can only stand and try to see. - R
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(Click the photo of the letter to zoom.)