Here it is: I attracted it and I had no idea why, at the time.
By carrying unhealed childhood wounds, I was literally a magnet for the narcissist/sociopath personality. And until I started to heal, I would be a magnet for the rest of my life. The experience was meant to help me, I know that. Even spirit has said to me I couldn’t have avoided it—it was written before my birth. (This is when that whole mediumship thing comes in handy and provides a bigger picture that I don’t necessarily see in my own life.) The role he played was a gift, in a way. One that I can look back and feel grateful for, finally. It doesn’t mean that what I endured was right or that I’m OK with it, it just means it all had purpose and I made choices.
I finally chose to leave the abuse and heal myself. This is the gift. This was the choice.
I also learned that the childhood sexual abuse I endured that I had just recently discovered right before meeting him wasn’t just an event that I could think my way through. The subconscious patterns and programming that led me to “please the abuser” were hidden from me my whole life. They’d been there since I was raped by my uncle but it took similar, new abuse to trigger those responses in a way that let me know the healing was needed. Sure, my whole life I was a people pleaser and a woman who wanted to help heal the wounded, but it was more than that. I didn’t know it nor did I understand any of it because I repressed the memories of childhood abuse for so long.
I literally became the person I was based on a story I knew nothing about until age 40.
Scott has been the narcissistic exception in my life—likely the only romantic partner who has never fit the bill of narcissist, although he publicly admits he had a bit of Peter Pan in him until our separation. He has never and will never be abusive so how was I to even know deep, deep healing was needed in me. I was never triggered by him in that way. Enter the role of the abuser that could show me this.
The frustrating thing about life lessons and healing is that the lesson will continue to show up until the healing is done. It happened with me, too. Before Scott and I decided to get back together (even though I wasn't looking for a relationship) and I was dealing with the aftermath of my previous relationship, there was a man who expressed interest in me that I had to very quickly recognize as narcissistic. It wasn’t easy to tell—most are really good at fooling the world. He was no exception.
This was a gift, too. I was finally able to see what was true and what wasn’t. I wasn’t trusting everyone blindly anymore. I was healing the deep wound. I was coming out of the fog that had clouded my world for 44 years.
If you are perpetually attracting narcissitic/socipathic individuals, go deep into your past. For those of you who have repressed memories of abuse until late in life, I’m so sorry the journey has been this way. It’s truly a gift and a curse to not remember traumatic abuse because it will show up in other ways that you may not understand. This attraction could be one of them. While it might also look like a curse when you’re in it and enduring abuse (and I certainly felt that way), now that I’ve had time to heal, I can see it as an opportunity. I had to choose to stand up to abuse the way I couldn't as a young child and undo the subconscious programming that was unknowingly ruling me. I made the comment the other day that I'm a recovering people pleaser and that's truly how I feel.
I know now this role would have been played by someone, if not him, until I saw the light. It's clear when I look back on my life I was attracting (with the exeption of my soulmate, Scott) this type of man.
Speaking of light, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's a you that is whole and healed. And a you that will never attract a narcissist or sociopath ever again.
It's the real you. <3
P.S. Great articles that address this topic:
How to Stop Attracting Narcissists and Abusers
Unresolved Trauma Attracts The Sharks in the Dating Pool
22 Stages of Relationship Between an Empath and A Narcissist
A little bit about the author of this blog....
My story is an unusual one. While I've shared my journey as TV network executive turned self-taught carpenter and furniture designer who won a deal on ABC's Shark Tank and built an internationally known brand from my garage called Mod Mom Furniture. I'm now coming forward about my healing journey from childhood sexual abuse which includes sudden onset mediumship at age 36, partnerships with law enforcement officers around the country working on cold cases that involve children who endured sexual abuse, an implosion of my 18-year-marriage and a three-year relationship with an abusive man who turned out to be a predator. I was granted a restraining order by a court of law in Arizona in 2017, three months after the relationship ended. My husband and I reunited in August of 2017 with a much better understanding of the effects of repressed abuse. I was able to put the puzzle pieces together and understand how intuition helped me survive and heal from both the past childhood abuse and the abuse I endured as an adult. I'm sharing my experiences here in hopes it will help others who have experienced similar and are struggling to heal and step out of the cycle of abuse.