I promised to be real and authentic through this journey with all of you and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m livid right now and at the same time, a bit confused. I mentioned in my last post that more and more information/proof is coming out about my ex’s predatory ways with other women. Here’s the confusing part: how do I handle this? There’s the camp of people who say, “don’t give it energy…don’t give him energy.” Then there’s the raw, human emotion I feel which says “OMG how can he continue to do this to so many women, year after year, and NO ONE SPEAKS UP!! As hard as it is, I have to be that woman that speaks up. It has to stop.” I vacillate between the two so you caught me in a “OH HELL NO!!!” moment. And to be honest, I think that’s the right call. I can’t just sit by and watch it all happen again without putting out some sort of warning to women.
Some people are probably thinking, “Kiersten, move on and focus on what you have now. Just let it go.” I get that, too, and for most of the time, that’s what I’m doing. I’m beyond grateful for my amazing husband and family and to see the big picture of my ex’s purpose in my life. I’m learning lesson after lesson, but one of those lessons is to stand up for myself and others, no matter how vulnerable and scary it might feel.
I was raised to stand up for myself and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Over the years, there have been many women who have endured the same or similar treatment and they can’t speak up for themselves for one reason or another, so I will be that voice. I hope I make them proud and they feel some comfort in knowing what they endured is real, no matter what he or anyone else says.
As one former ex said, “Stay strong. I hope you fully realize that you’re not just doing this for you alone but for all who have been damaged by him.”
I only write what I know to be true based on evidence I receive and what I have actually
lived that can be backed up. I have written proof in the form of screenshots of conversations between my ex and others and first-hand accounts of what I, and others, have endured.
With that said, I truly didn’t expect to read what I did two nights ago.
There are real-life snapshots of conversations that include predatory come-ons, promises of tantric massage, and most recently, evidence of cheating during our relationship.
That cheating part—it’s the last piece, really. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse than what I know already, it did. This latest news makes me see red because it goes against what I believed to be true for three years. Did I come to believe he was womanizer after all the women started coming forward? Absolutely. Did I still think it was mainly before and after we were together? Yes. Sadly, I was wrong. I would hear over and over again (from him) that he was completely, utterly faithful to me. He would make it known to me and everyone else on social media that he gave 100% of himself and all of his truth. Hell, he even wrote that in his Facebook post when we broke up:
"I'm picking myself up off the ground. It's time to finally heal this completely broken and devastated heart. Time for healing, learning, clarity, and never giving up hope for authentic truth and love, I'm proud I was able to give all of myself, all of my love, and all of my truth. And I'm grateful for the beautiful lived, the peace I'll now find, and gifts I know will be on the other side of pain. #MyTruth #TNF #Love #Pain #Healing #Life" - R
Funny thing about declarations from men who repeatedly do this to multiple women—it’s all fake. And he forgot to mention to me the truth about leaving our apartment in Flagstaff to hopefully get into someone else’s bed and then return home to me.
He and I met April 4, 2014 but he was chatting with me most of March of that year. He professed his love for me in a letter he sent to me on the very day I met him in person, just four days after he was telling her (seen below) that he wished they were having sex. Oh, and he told me that first week of April 2014 that he was in a bad marriage and was breaking up with a long-time love overseas. Just a few days ago, I found out from ANOTHER woman in the Philly area that he was seeing her when he met me—he ditched her when I came along. So, I think that’s five women he had some type of romantic involvement with at the time he was pursuing me.
We were together for three years with a few very short break-ups in between. In November of 2016, after we had gotten back together in October after a short-lived split (he was living with me again) and I helped him get a job with a company in Lacey, Washington, he was apparently trying to “hook up” with a woman he knew on his way to and from his new job headquartered in Lacey!! I had NO IDEA. All I knew is we were back together and excited about the future and what his new job meant to our life plans of growing Mod Life together and building a home in Flagstaff for all of our kids.
Also, unbeknownst to me, in 2015, he was asking her if it was ok that he was fantasizing about her and hoping that no matter if they were both in relationships, if they were in close proximity to each other, they would meet up for sex. That is DEFINITELY not loyalty to me. It may work for some, but it’s not what I thought I had nor what I was being told by him.
We’d been together as a couple for about a year and a half, in November of 2015. She said she received risqué photos via text and intermittent reach-outs from him. And there’s that damn tantric massage line I’ve read in multiple conversations between he and other women. It’s part of the script, I guess.
Thank God for screenshots and scanned documents. There’s nothing like reading a screenshot to make it all very real, very quickly. This particular conversation was so jarring to me because, of course, even after everything I’ve learned, I still didn’t want to believe that he was doing this to me. He SAID I was his soulmate, his twin flame. When would he have had time to pursue others? Oh, right. On his way to his new job or on his way back to the “love of his life.” (She did not meet up with him and she ignored his phone calls when he drove through her town.)
He was so adamant he NEVER cheated on me, unlike he’d done with other women in his life, and continued this line of defense until we stopped talking in July. He’s innocent, of course and “never even felt the need or want to look at another woman after he met me.”
If you ask him, he’ll tell you I’m crazy. He’ll say I’m narcissistic and I have a personality disorder. It’s a smart and common defense to flip it all around—I applaud his efforts. And I implore you to read the screenshots below.
We—the woman in the messages below, and I—do not want another woman on the planet to believe that he is who he portrays himself to be on social media—a fine, upstanding man who values women and who “walks his truth.” In light of this, she gave me permission to post the screenshots of their conversations.
It kills me to think that he’s continuing his predatory ways with other unsuspecting women. It has to stop. It just has to stop.