I’m overwhelmed by the women and men reaching out who have endured abuse in very similar ways. Thank you for taking time to read, question, comment, and extend a supportive hand to me.
I thought I’d take a moment to answer questions I’m asked more than once. If several of you are asking, it means many have the same questions.
First, the hard ones.
Why keep writing? It’s over?
A few people in my life, including family, have asked if I’m concentrating too much on it. And one commenter on Instagram suggested I “move on.” So the question is why talk about it now that I’m back with my husband and am moving on with my life?
I have a three-part answer to this one!
He loves me. He knows what I went through and he wishes he could make it go away in one fell swoop, but he understands it’s not that easy. He saw me change and he knows what I endured. He knows my bigger purpose in all of this and supports it.
The short answer to that question is his text to me last week:
Can you recommend any good reading material around abusive relationships, particularly when it involves someone who shows narcissistic behavior/abusive tendencies?
I can! These articles have helped me immensely. And I frequently share them with new and old friends who write in and ask how I got through the stages.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/understanding-narcissism/201708/why-do-narcissists-abuse-those-they-love (This one came today from a male friend who went through similar.)
You’re a medium. How did you not know?
I’ve come to know over the last 8 years, I’m pretty good at helping law enforcement put the pieces together on cases. And I can pass messages from kids in spirit to their parents. And occasionally, I can help find a lost cat. (Never a lost wallet, for some reason!?!) What I know in my soul, and what I have heard from spirit, is that I couldn’t have avoided it. I wasn’t supposed to know it all when I met him. Being human and all, I was just falling into it mostly with my inner child mind but didn’t realize what was happening (wounded attachment). I likely could have shortened the experience with free will choice—like how I knew something wasn’t right but still didn’t end it. I could also have gone on to completely lose all that I am by continuing to let him back in and believe the lies. I will say spirit had a very big role in helping me see the truth along the way. The truth I knew in my soul but didn’t want to really see. I believe it was a meant-to-be opportunity for healing and growth. I’ve written about it in several places here on the blog: http://www.kierstenparsons.com/blog/category/there-are-no-coincidences and http://www.kierstenparsons.com/blog/category/life-lessons.
What was the process like for getting a restraining order? What kind of proof did you need to have?
My next post will be about this very subject. I had never been through this before and it was exhausting, time-consuming, and scary. I wrote a little bit about the day I had to plead my case in court but I will write more about the types of proof you need and statute of limitations, etc.
You should write a book....are you?
I am! And it's really hard to write, right now. I have a love/hate relationship with it because some of the prep requires me reading back through emails where I was called a thick fucking brick and told "fuck you" multiple times and it takes me back to that feeling of being put down. It's not easy but I'm doing it and I'll share excerpts as I go along. As my friends and family say, with the sudden onset mediumship, working with cops on cold cases, Shark Tank, leaving a marraige, abuse and conditioning, restraining orders and eventually coming back to center, it's like a "good" bad Lifetime movie! And it's all real!
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