I never really got into that tv show, Breaking Bad. It was a little too dark for me but when I thought about what I should title this post, it came to mind.
The recovery from what I endured over the last three years is not a walk in the park. It's not the hardest thing I've ever done, that's for sure, but it's not easy. Sometimes I feel like I'm split in two. One side is moving on and so grateful and happy to be back with my true love, and the other side is breaking the bad habit of everything that comes with the awakening of having been in an abusive relationship.
As I continue to process it all, learn more, and heal, I still find myself in disbelief that I actually BELIEVED what I was being told for three years. I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart, intuitive person and yet despite that, I fell hook, line, and sinker. I can forgive myself for it because I don't think there's anything wrong with being vulnerable and opening your heart to someone, but understanding how I didn't see the signs and even when I did, how I still hung on for so long is something that is hard to wrap my head around.
I think too much, I know this. I'm supposed to let myself "feel" things more, according to my therapist. So here's what I feel right now...
Breaking down all the reasons I fell for the smooth-talking designer-guy is the gift in all of it because I've been able to find myself again. Find my voice.
One thing is for damn sure: no matter how he tried, there will be no breaking Kiersten.