It's been a bit of whirlwind lately but a good one. After I got the TEDx Talk edited and uploaded, life quieted down enough for me to return to writing the book. I'm up to almost 71K words (235 pages, double spaced). I'm through the toughest part, thank God, and I'm writing about when Scott and I got back together— the fun part!
But alas, I'm also to the part where my ex reached out via Facebook Messenger using fake personas to try to continue abusing and shaming me. As the cop I was working with said, "he needs the last word..he'll find a way to break the restraining order, likely in written form." She was right. He (or they) created two personas, it seems, with the help of a friend named Kim: Scott Tullman (from Bridgeport, Connecticut) and Karen Marie (from Clearwater, Florida) are the fake profiles.
As I was looking back at the blog post I wrote about it in order to include it in the book, I got curious. I wanted to see if Mr. Scott Tullman was still online or if he/they deleted it. Karen Marie is nowhere to be found unless she’s changed her name. :)
I was surprised to see Scott Tullman's profile still active...only now he has a new profile picture and a few public posts to make it look like he's a real person. Thank goodness he changed his pic because he was sporting a photo of a real, traceable person (as opposed to a stock photo) when he wrote to berate me. Apparently, he/they read what I'd written on my blog about how to suss out fake profiles and how I knew he/they boldly used a photo of famous photographer, Lee Cherry, as "Scott Tullman" which led to me reach out to Lee and tell him what was happening. He was grateful for the knowledge that his likeness was being used elsewhere. They smartly deleted Lee's photo and added a new one. I can see this because I'd previously blocked Mr. Scott Tullman but then unblocked him so the ridiculousness is all available for viewing.
I initially wrote about how to investigate profiles you may think are fake because apparently this is super common, according to Flagstaff PD and countless women who were in relationships with abusive men. (It happens with abusive women, too.) In my case, an abusive man and one of his "friends" did whatever they could to get around a restraining order, even though what they did technically violated the restraining order and he should have been hauled off to jail. It's super hard to get cooperation from Facebook in these cases to provide IP info but just knowing abusers stoop to these levels is the key. And providing evidence to keep on record with the PD is also key.
Kim, his friend who is also a client of his as shown on HOUZZ, has denied knowing Scott Tullman in writing, even though Scott gave a rave review for her photography services. Oh, and Scott Tullman likes the same companies Kim likes and promotes. Ah the tangled web that is woven online, not to mention that Kim and my ex are “friends” on social media and she was warned by a mutual friend to be wary of him and got defensive.
The irony of all of this is that people believe both parties to be above board, kind, caring, good human beings because that’s the picture they’ve masterfully painted of themselves for all of social media to see. Peas in a pod, I’d say.
Sadly, this is the stuff you need to know goes on when you get out of an abusive relationship. And you need to know how to investigate and document. Not only do you need to be vigilant about your own protection, but you need to know how to become a gumshoe, as Noah would say doing his best 1940s man impression.
Become a detective. If you need help doing so, please write to me. I’ll share everything I’ve learned about detective work from partnering with cops on actual cases as well as what I’ve pieced together on my own.
In the meantime, I’m gonna go back to writing about life after abuse and how freakin’ amazing it is to be in the here and now.
Read more about how to file a restraining order and what happens after you do.
I want to share a quick story about life after death and the influence spirit can have on your life. So, as most of you know, I gave a TEDx Talk on November 3, 2018 and have been waiting for TEDx corporate to upload my talk on their site for 7 months. I posted about this a few days ago when I finally said "enough" to the waiting game with no end in sight.
I've shared excerpts from my upcoming book with my Facebook friends about my connection to a young man in spirit named Jason who passed at 23 from a heroin overdose. I've known his mom, Yvette (and Jason in spirit), for many years now. I've credited he and his mom with helping me through and out of the abuse I endured from 2014-2017. In fact, he was the first to alert me to the fact that the abusive relationship (which wasn't abusive in the early days) was not what it seemed.
On the flip side, I've helped guide and support Yvette and even channeled the location of her then-lost cat. (She found her!) She lives in Connecticut. We hit it off when we met through the Little Light Project nonprofit I used to run and she and I are both abuse survivors so we check in on one another a lot.
The day of the TEDx Talk on November 3, I was chatting with Yvette on Messenger after my talk and she reminded me that it was Jason's "angelversary", otherwise known as the day of his death. I told her I was sending her hugs and then promptly felt full chills from head to toe. And then I hear Jason say, "I've got your back, Kiers." It was clear as day.
He's the one who had been saying I was going to do a TEDx talk all this time when I really doubted I'd get picked because of the subject matter. But still, I trusted him. And I got picked.
Anyhow, I was feverishly working Sunday (June 2nd) to get the TEDx talk ready for publishing. I felt this intense push to get it done that day and decided to upload the talk to YouTube that night before sharing it on social media the next day. I felt closure and relief on all levels the minute I hit UPLOAD.
Prior to TEDx telling me to butt out of trying to get answers last week, Jason came in spirit gave me the heads up that there was big resistance and fear about sharing my talk on TED's end. I thought to myself that seems about right since it had been about 5 months since I filmed the talk at that point even though I went through many rounds of approvals with TEDx Sedona prior to giving the talk. I did find a published TEDx talk by a wonderful medium and intuitive healer named Jill Willard so I thought it was odd that they had so much of an issue with my talk when hers was published without a disclaimer.
But back to Sunday night.... As soon as I finally uploaded the video to YouTube, I saw a post from Yvette about Jason. I hadn't been on Facebook that day because I was knee deep in iMovie edits on my "uncensored" TEDx talk. Guess whose birthday it was on June 2? You guessed it—it was Jason's 44th birthday.
I sat back with my jaw on the floor thinking NO WAY. I hadn't planned on publishing my own TED Talk nor had I given a date any thought. I just felt pushed to get it done and out there on June 2nd.
Immediately, I wrote Yvette and told her what I was doing. She couldn't believe it either and then a second later, Jason came in saying, yet again, "I've got your back, K."
Seriously, what are the odds that the two most important dates related to my TEDx talk are his birth and passing dates?!?
I'm forever grateful for both Jason and Yvette and their protection, love and support. What a gift it is to know them both.
Loved ones in spirit really do have your back, it's just many of us don't recognize it at the time. Even crazy old me. :)
P.S. I also got a nudge from Jason that I might have to continually stand up for myself through the process when he confirmed that the name of the organizer of TEDx is literally one letter off from my ex's name. One letter. Almost identical name. Again, no coincidences.
I fell off the red TED carpet dot, quite literally and figuratively.
No, really. I fell off of it—or rather my heel did—when I gave my TEDx talk in Sedona last November. (You can see my slightly-embarrassing blunder in my video below around the time I talk about being a reformed people pleaser. I mean, who falls off the dot!??! Oh, that’s right…me!)
And now, 7 months later, I stepped off the dot on purpose. It was never something I thought I’d have to do when I put my application in to grace the TEDx stage, but it became something I NEEDED to do this past week. I simply stopped trying to get my TEDx talk out of TEDx corporate jail.
But first, let’s go back in time a bit.
It’s June 2018 and I decide to throw my name in the hat for the TEDx Sedona event being held last year on November 3. I knew it was a long shot because I was going to talk about intuition among other things like healing from abuse but still, I had hope.
And then the email came! I was being considered but they needed to see a five-minute video of what I was going to talk about. I got right to work on the video and sent it within a day or two. Then came another email about now sharing MORE on video. I had to give them more of my talk so Scott and I spent the day filming clips. This kind of back and forth went on for much of July and August. More videos submissions were suggested...... (click READ MORE below on the right to continue)
Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen examples of courage that have blown me away.
Like millions of us, I watched the fabulous Brene Brown special on Netflix, which reinforced what I believe courage looks like. As Brene so beautifully states, courage starts with showing up and letting yourself be seen.
I want to share two examples of courage personified that I’ve witnessed over the past few weeks.
Courage in Self-Discovery
As many of you know, our son courageously let himself be seen in a very public way when he came out on social media as transgender on Transvisibility Day. He bravely told us three months ago that he’s struggled with feeling like he wasn’t in the right body for a long time, and he wanted to start the journey of self-discovery with regards to gender identity. He wants to explore this now, not years down the road. Even though Scott and I are incredibly supportive of LGBTQ, I know it still took IMMENSE courage to talk to us about his feelings and wishes. I can say right now, I wouldn't have had the courage to do anything of the sort at his age. To put myself out there like that in order to be my authentic self.
He showed up in a very big way and let himself be seen. He is courage personified and I am inspired by him to continue to practice this level of vulnerability and courage in my own life.
Courage in Diving into the Fear/Unknown
I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know a young man who is not only highly intuitive, but a man of great faith. Christian faith. As you can imagine, when he started to experience visions, voices, and dark energy attacks, he was terrified. I know that level of fear because I’ve been there. It happened to me when I first started to understand just how highly intuitive I am (when I was 36) so I hoped I could help him in a way that would bring more peace and understanding into his life.
I’m blown away by the courage he showed just being willing to come talk with me (a total stranger) and share his personal experiences with tears in his eyes. And I’m in awe of the courage he continues to show in truly owning that there is purpose in what he’s experienced and that he has the power to implement changes in thinking that boost his level of self-authority. Ultimately, he now has control over the scary happenings that plagued him for months and he’s learning how to manage his intuition and not be fearful of the God-given power he has within.
Witnessing both of these beautiful souls crack open their hearts to be who they are meant to be in the world is an honor, to say the least. As we all know, life is messy, complicated, and very uncomfortable at times but if we continue to listen to our intuition, we’ll always be on the right road, no matter what our head (or other people) might be telling us at the time.
For example, I followed my intuition and fought to give the Tedx Talk I knew I was meant to give in Sedona in November. I knew that censoring the talk and taking out bits of my journey in order to please the folks in charge was not what I felt in my heart was the right thing to do so I fought to keep in the parts about working on cold cases with law enforcement and visions coming to me out of nowhere.
Just this past week, I finally heard from TEDx staff in NYC why my talk (that I gave back in November) hadn’t been published yet. (I’m one of three presenters whose talks have not published because of this very thing.) Turns out, they feel my talk violates the content guidelines set by TED. I am still waiting on information regarding exactly what they feel violates the guidelines. Visions? #Metoo? Repression of memories? Talk of abuse? I’m hoping they will share this information soon.
From what I’ve read, they have the right to put a disclaimer on the talk, publish it only on the local TED website, or ban it all together. There are many TEDx talks that include intuition and one in particular was presented by a professional intuitive medium so it will be interesting to learn exactly what the problem is but I can tell you this—it’s all happening exactly the way it is supposed to happen. I’m no stranger to this type of scenario. It happened with Shark Tank, too. And the outcome was better than I could have imagined.
I’ll keep you all posted but I feel very peaceful about how it’s all unfolding and I will make sure that my talk is published regardless of the decision by TED. Nothing about my journey, nor Noah’s or my young friend I mentioned earlier, has been “comfortable” but maybe it’s not supposed to be.
Maybe we’re supposed to always strive to be exactly who we know we are in our heart and soul, unapologetically and authentically. No matter what society tells us.
So be brave.
Be unapologetically authentic.
What you allow will continue.
This was a hard one for me to “get” over the years. I was always giving the benefit of the doubt or operating from a place of fear. “What will happen if I say no to this person?” I finally broke this pattern by honoring my feelings and setting boundaries.
Follow your intuition and pay attention to the physical sensations you get — kick in the gut feelings, heaviness in your chest, etc. Sometimes your body will tell you to set boundaries with someone (or clear them from your life) before your mind will.
#boundaries #energyiseverything #intuition #abusesurvivor #healthyrelationships #energyattractsenergy #findyourtribe #physicalsigns